There are two kinds of relationships in this world – one that lasts a lifetime and one that doesn’t. The current relationship you have right now can be either – it all depends on what you actually do.
There are relationships that vanish after one messy fight and there are those who stay and fight it out until they’ve exhausted all possible solutions to save the relationship.
If you want to be the latter, here are 6 steps on how to save a relationship:
Before you even begin to try to save your relationship, you have to ask yourself if you really want to. You need to ask whether or not you’re acting out of pride, out of desperation, or out of sheer loneliness. Your relationship might be crumbling for a good reason – is it worth saving? Or is the damage too devastating that you won’t be able to love this person the same way ever again?
If the relationship is abusive, such as becoming violent or physically threatening, then it’s not worth saving. Your life is worth saving and not the relationship. But if all the elements of a healthy relationship are there but it’s just tinted with misunderstandings and some shortcomings from both parties, then you know it’s worth saving.
2. Deciding Together
You can’t fight the world alone – if you want to save your relationship against all odds, the fight has to come from the both of you. If you want to go to a couples counsellor but your partner doesn’t, you need to find an alternative solution.
If you’re the only one who decides your union is worth saving, then be prepared for some serious heartbreak. You and your partner must feel the same way in terms of fighting for the relationship.
Things get real when you have to make compromises to make your partner happy. Humans are naturally selfish and it can be difficult to think about people when they’ve been in your life for a long time. While you want to play basketball with your friends every night until you’re so exhausted all you want to do is take a shower and go to bed, you also have to think about your spouse or partner who’s waiting for you at home.
Making compromises to meet each others’ needs is one of the biggest steps to saving your relationship.
4. Remember, Remember, Remember
Do you have pictures of your good old days? Is the restaurant where you had your first day still open? And do you still have that outfit you wore the night that you both fell in love with each other? Then get those photos out and reminisce, go back to that restaurant, and wear that special outfit on your date night.
Remembering how you fell in love and why you even fell for your partner is an excellent way to bring back the spark.
5. In With the New
You may go to yoga class together, but it’s now become dull and mundane. Do something that the both of you have never done before. Plan to take tango dance classes even though the both of you have two left feet. Or take a Thai cooking class when both of you hate spicy food. Explore new experiences and get to know each other once again. You might even fall in love for the second time around – but still with your partner.
6. Romantic Gestures
You can’t be romantic if you still have resentments over your partner’s wrongdoings. So before you even think about going to that tropical island or booking a suite at a luxury hotel, make sure all your baggage are left behind.
You have to make sure that you’ve done your self-evaluation, that you’ve both decided to make it work, that you’ve agreed on compromising, that you’ve remembered why you fell in love, and that the spark has rekindled. Without these steps, it will be very hard for you to be romantic with your partner.
And once you’ve forgiven, make that plan to go out of town, and make small romantic gestures every single day. It can be as simple as a post-it note saying “I love you,” or as elaborate as 100 roses delivered to your spouse’s office.
Saving a relationship takes more than one person – the effort has to come from both parties and both have to decide to make it work despite everything. Take these tips on how to save a relationship and hopefully have the relationship that lasts a lifetime.